statistical anomaly

No Tomorrow

Bukas na ulit pramis

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not blind

Easily my most favorite Third Eye Blind lyrics.

Their concert, also the first international act I’ve seen (minus the Boyce Avenue mall tour, ano ba) was also one of the highlights of this year.

Being a pleaser by default has started to take its toll on me. The instinct to want to be liked by everyone proved to be unhealthy.

That was one of the first things I have to change. I’m still working on it. I’m not being completely dismissive of other’s opinions, but this time around, there’s no bending backwards to meet standards.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

#30in30

half-baked

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No truer words, Agent Cabe Gallo.

And that’s why I’m telling you this:
You’re not fully formed yet. You’re almost there but you’re half-baked.

I didn’t realize this season’s super-sized Scorpion premiere will hit me hard.

This show is nerd-gasmic and action-packed. But in the two seasons, it has shown how tough it is to crack emotional shells, if there is such thing, for geniuses who are clearly more intellectual than emotional.

At one point in my life, particularly when I’m younger and new to the concept of relationships, I’m guilty of defying logic, even consciously at times, for that fucking thing called love. Now you see I resent it.

Nah, hindi naman. But you see, cliché are clichés for a reason, it’s because they happen all the time. And it is a damn cliché, but experience is gonna tell you that while you it’s best to follow your heart, you should never lose of your senses, too.

Recently, I have chosen to correct that mistake by self-reparation. I know for a fact that I’m not at my best shape right now (physically, lol, but also emotionally) to commit in a relationship. There were times when I had a few lapses, thinking that maybe it’s time for me to give it another shot. In the end, I choose not to go for it.

Taking from the wise words from Cabe (Patrick), I am half-baked. Not because I’m a genius who had no emotions — exactly the opposite. I’ve been emotional, complacent, and lazy, and it ruined a lot of things for me on the relationships department. Now, I’m trying to repair what I ruined, and I start with myself.

I’m not ready yet. And the responsible thing to do, while I’m not ready yet, is to steer clear of the dating zone. Kung hindi naman ako bibili, siguro iiwas muna ako sa market. Kung hindi naman ako gutom, iiwas muna ako sa buffet.

Same time next year, who knows. I may be loving myself a little more, or a little too much I’m spilling it over to someone else.

Until then.

#30in30

Scorpion
CBS 

Cast: Elyes Gabel, Katharine McPhee, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Jadyn Wong, Ari Stidham, Robert Patrick, Riley B. Smith
Executive Producers: Danielle Woodrow, Danny Rose, Scooter Braun, Walter O’Brien, Heather Kadin, Justin Lin, Nicholas Wootton, Nick Santora, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci, David Foster

judge dread

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Well here are 30 things:

  1. Dance
  2. Play basketball
  3. Walk shirtless at the beach
  4. Kiss someone in public
  5. Be a bit physical in public
  6. Go back for more buffet plates
  7. Do pull-ups
  8. Hoard paper towels
  9. Buy a lot of colored pens
  10. Audition for a play
  11. Try-out for a reality show
  12. Do spoken word poetry
  13. Rap, Hamilton style
  14. Play soccer
  15. Play volleyball
  16. Sing on open mic night
  17. Shoplift
  18. Wear a dress, just for fun
  19. Do yoga
  20. MMA
  21. Interview a politician
  22. Write an article about said politician
  23. Interview a celebrity
  24. Write an article about said celebrity
  25. Do a radio show segment or podcast
  26. Join a musical chorus or company
  27. Do old-school Pinoy karoling
  28. Wall-climb
  29. Boxing
  30. Propose

#30in30

thirty – thirty

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Don’t confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them.

I’m turning 30 in 30 days.

Kaya naman hindi ako pwedeng hindi mag-inarte.

The next 30 days will be filled with blog posts to look back, look now, and look forward.

And today’s #TuesdayTracks feature mainly speaks about what this year has meant for me, generally.

Have you heard or have been told about standing up for your decisions and facing the consequences?

This year has been a conscious effort to do exactly that.

Wala yatang araw ngayong taon na di ko sinabi sa sarili ko na “ginusto mo naman yan di ba?”

I ask it not because of regret, or bitterness. I ask it to remind myself why I’m in this exact spot in my life. I’m not sad, but I’m not exactly happy. I’m not contented, but I’m not exactly longing. This feeling of balanced indifference sometimes render me numb. I have learned to live the notions. And if I won’t be asking myself that question I won’t be reminded to breathe, at least smile, and tell myself that I have an endgame.

This year has been about awareness — the things I did wrong, the ones I luckily did right, and the ones I know for a fact I know nothing about. It’s a very slow year for me. It felt like a numbing simmer.

But these decisions, these mistakes, even the uncertainties, all make for a desirable end-result.

Ginusto ko nga naman.

Even the juiciest pot roast takes time.

And yes, this post ends here because gutom. Babay!