thirty – thirty

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Don’t confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them.

I’m turning 30 in 30 days.

Kaya naman hindi ako pwedeng hindi mag-inarte.

The next 30 days will be filled with blog posts to look back, look now, and look forward.

And today’s #TuesdayTracks feature mainly speaks about what this year has meant for me, generally.

Have you heard or have been told about standing up for your decisions and facing the consequences?

This year has been a conscious effort to do exactly that.

Wala yatang araw ngayong taon na di ko sinabi sa sarili ko na “ginusto mo naman yan di ba?”

I ask it not because of regret, or bitterness. I ask it to remind myself why I’m in this exact spot in my life. I’m not sad, but I’m not exactly happy. I’m not contented, but I’m not exactly longing. This feeling of balanced indifference sometimes render me numb. I have learned to live the notions. And if I won’t be asking myself that question I won’t be reminded to breathe, at least smile, and tell myself that I have an endgame.

This year has been about awareness — the things I did wrong, the ones I luckily did right, and the ones I know for a fact I know nothing about. It’s a very slow year for me. It felt like a numbing simmer.

But these decisions, these mistakes, even the uncertainties, all make for a desirable end-result.

Ginusto ko nga naman.

Even the juiciest pot roast takes time.

And yes, this post ends here because gutom. Babay!

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